Damaged Goods
by Jaakuna Okami No
Summary: When a man; responsible for Izaya hiding her gender, reappears. She attempts revenge but is wounded & found by Shizuo. After Shinra lets Izaya's gender slip Shizuo begins to consider a new relationship with her. But when Shizuo finds Celty's head he leaves her before she can tell him the news. After 7 years they reunite but Shizuo is in for a shock... Angst, Smut, later 'mpreg'
1. Not What We Wanted

This is my first Shizaya fanfiction attempt.. .w. I have done many Shizaya roleplays xD it's my OTP haha  
But again this is my first Shizaya fanfiction, but I've had this in my mind for MONTHS and decided to go ahead and do it.

I do not own Durarara (Drrr) or any of its characters despite gender bends and characters background being changed...  
Little warning at first the chapters will be small and will start off from Izaya's birth. But I thought it would be better to start it there then to start it off much later and every one being like 'dafuq is going on?' xD

And I promise that the chapters will be getting longer. Hopefully 1,000 to 2,000 a words.

I hope.

So enjoy them while they are short haha. X3 oh and please, if you have not finished Durarara do not read. I'v seen it all and am picking up after the end of the show (once I get past Izaya's childhood) I don't want to be blamed for 'spoiling' anything for anyone.. Thank you.

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**Chapter one**  
**Not what we wanted.**

It was dark, eyes closed. Slowly the new born infant breathed. Trying to sleep; But it was impossible. There was so much tension in the air after her birth.

A mother lay in her bed, brown eyes hovering over the baby wrapped in pink blankets.

The father, he stood in the middle of the room, he had his own brown eyes on it as well.

"What is that?" the man asked, voice filled with disgust.

"A baby." she said. "Our baby..." she said. Her own voice seemed emotionless, or did it hold back a bitter-ness?

"..What gender is it?" he asked after a moment's silence, his narrowed eyes moving to his wife.

"It's in pink... What do you think?" she snapped.

"So it's a girl…" he said "Great." He huffed slapping his arms at his sides. "Just great!" he huffed again.

Both of them stayed quite. The baby cooed then whimpered, seeming to notice the emotion coming off her father.

"This is your fault." He said turning to his wife.

"My fault!?" she snapped sitting up. "How is this, _my_ fault?" she growled.

"You carried it for nine months!" he growled, the raise in his voice scared the infant making her cry softly at first before growing louder as her parents voices grew louder.

"You gave me the sperm with the girl in it!" she retorted angrily.

"Well, I didn't choose her! I didn't want a 'girl' I wanted a son; you know a 'boy'!"

The baby began to wile loudly.

"So did I!" she shouted over the baby.

"Well, just get rid of it then!" he roared. "Throw it up for adoption I don't want it! Or shut it up!" he growled annoyed pointing at the kid.

"They won't let us!" she growled getting up from the bed and moving over to the wailing infant and picked her up, rocking her from side to side; and slowly she began to become quiet.

"Why the hell not? It's our kid isn't it!?"

"They said that there wasn't enough room for any more kids in the damn orphanage. Plus they won't let us since both of us are alive." She groaned looking away.

He huffed heavily. "What are we going to name it?" he asked, running fingers through his hair.

"I don't know.. I never took the time to think of any girl names." She grumbled patting the baby's bottom in a soothing motion.

". . Izaya." He said.

"That's a boy's name." she said narrowing her eyes.

"So?"

". . Alright, her name's Izaya." She said looking down at the infant as she opened her red eyes.

"We'll raise her as a boy. It's the closets we can get to a boy until later." He huffed.

She nodded.

End of chapter one.


	2. Thunderstorms and Dark Places

**Chapter two**  
**Thunderstorms and Dark Places.**

Izaya Orihara  
Age: 3  
Hair color: Raven black  
Eye color: Red  
Gender: Female

Izaya was about to fall asleep, if it hadn't been for the flash of lightning and loud roll of thunder. Causing the young girl to jump up in her bed. Her red eyes snapping open in fear of a new noise.

Izaya gripped her bed sheets and glanced up at her window. It was dark only for a moment before the lightning and thunder struck again causing her this time to squeak. Izaya pulled the bed covers over her head in attempt to block it out. Only it didn't work.

It was just a blanket, and the lightning easily shinned through the thin fabric. When the thunder cracked again this one seemed to make the windows shake making the girl shriek again. This time she jumped from her bed and ran to her parent's room despite the time.

"Mommy!" she cried pushing the door open and running over to her mother's side of the bed.

Thunder rolled over the house. She flinched and gripped the sheets and pulled on them. "M-Mommy~" she whimpered. Her mother groaned slightly, and opened her eyes glancing over at her daughter.

"What? What do you want?" she asked blinking her eyes and forcing herself awake.

"C-Can I sleep in your bed?" she asked red eyes wide.

"What? Why?" her mother growled annoyed as she began to sit up.

"I-"thunder cracked, interrupting her words. She yelped and began to climb in the bed and move to her mother's side.

At first, her mother simply let her, that was until her husband had woken and noticed.

"What the hell is this?" he snapped half asleep.

". . She's-" she stopped then corrected herself. She had almost forgotten that they had agreed to raise her up as a boy. "He-He's scared of the thunder." Her mother murmured.

Her father narrowed his eyes. "Izaya." He said voice stern. "What have we told you?"

Izaya stiffened. She'd been told that boys are to not be scared of anything.

"Th-that boys are to be brave." She murmured.

"That's right."

Thunder rumbled, she flinched and gripped her mother's shirt.

"Izaya, are you scared?" he asked.

She was going to shake her head no, but when thunder rolled louder than before the squeaked then quickly nodded her head.

"Well then.. I know how to fix that." He said as the bed shifted. Showing that he was getting up.

The man moved around the side of the bed and grabbed Izaya by her arm and pride her away from her mother.

"D-Daddy?" she whimpered nervously as he began pulling her to a corner of the room. At first she didn't know what he was doing. But then she saw him open one of the doors to their closet. She stiffened and she quickly looked back at her mother; who watched from her bed. Saying and doing nothing for her daughter who was shoved into the closet.

"MOMMY!" she shrieked, eyes wide as her father slammed the closet door closed. "Mommy help me!" she begged, warm tears rolling down her cheeks. "Please!" Izaya began banging her fists on the door of the closet. "I'm scared, mommy! Let me out! Please!"

Izaya cried and pleaded for what felt like hours, no word came from either of her parents.

And it had been hours.

She wasn't let out until she stopped her; what her parents called it, 'Over reactive' cries. That had lasted for hours, long after the storm passed.

Her parents asked her, "Are you scared?" when she was let out.

To tell the truth, Izaya had ben terrified. But she knew better then to tell them that now. She shook her head no.

End of chapter Two.


	3. Listed Fears

Chapter three  
Listed Fears.

Over time, Izaya developed new fears.

And each, were developed, thanks to her parents.

Izaya Orihara's **pathological** fears:  
(A fear of which cannot be explained or reasoned out of.)

Spiders,  
High places,  
Thunderstorms,  
Swimming,  
Fast movements,  
Crowds,  
Dark spaces,  
Small rooms; including her parents' closet.  
The phrase, "Are you scared?"

End of chapter three.

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((Yes I'm aware that this chapter just lists fears, but I thought it would be necessary later down the road. If you ever wanted to remember her fears it was as simple as going back to chapter three .w. and I added spiders as a fear because it's a simple fear that almost every girl has xD hell even I'm scared of spiders (long story thanks to my own fucked up step dad…) . . . ))


	4. Is This What Girls Look Like?

**Chapter Four**  
**Is This What Girl's Look's Like?**

**Izaya Orihara**  
**Age: 4**  
**Eye Color: Red**  
**Hair Color: Raven Black**  
**Gender: Female**

Izaya stood in her room. She wore dark blue jeans and a black T-shirt. Her hair was short. She wasn't allowed to grow it out.

It was cut short enough for people to get her confused as a boy and short enough so she wouldn't look like a girl.

Izaya shifted nervously at her door, her head poking out between the crack of it and peer down the hall.

It was Saturday morning; her mother would still be asleep. But her father would be leaving for work in,

Five

The sound of her parents' bedroom door opening caught her attention first.

Four

The door closed softly.

Three

Footsteps made their way through the house.

Two

The keys were picked up.

One

The front door opened and closed.

And with that, he was gone. Izaya smiled, she had the house to herself now; well, besides her mother. But she would be sleeping from her 'studies' of the past few years.

Izaya pushed her door open and slipped through the cracks.

A small black bag was in her hand; hidden well behind her back.

In it, there was a long black wig. She had bought it from recycling cans. She had bought it to wear for days like this. She could hide in her room and put it on and pretend to be the girl she knew she was.

But today she wanted to try something new.

Make-up.

Something her mother kept in her bag.

But sadly its location was in non-other than, their bed room.

Izaya quietly shuffled her foot past every door to rooms she wasn't allowed in until she passed the kitchen and was facing the bed room door.

Her feet were cold on the kitchen floor tiles. Her heart was beating fast and loudly in her chest. So loud she thought maybe her possibly still asleep mother would hear it. She felt knots in her stomach from the nerves and her breath was heavy and short. Again out of nerves.

But she didn't care.

She could get caught…

That she did care about.

But she cared more about what she would look like with the wig and make-up.

Slowly and cautiously, the young girl opened the door to her parent's room. The door creaked slightly but not loud enough to wake anyone. Izaya pushed her head in slowly, red eyes falling to the bed and figure under the covers.

She smiled slightly, pleased to see that her mom was asleep.

Now she just had to sneak over to her purse; the one in the bathroom.. On the other side of the bed-room.

Slowly, Izaya moved into the room. Her eye's never leaving the bed as she began to slink her way over to the bathroom.

Once inside, Izaya closed the door softly. Sighing in relief when her mother didn't wake. The girl scampered over to the sink and stood on her toes, getting a better view of the counter and easily finding the brown purse.

Izaya pulled it to her and began rummaging through it till she found the different make up containers.

One after one, Izaya pulled them out.

Lipstick, blush, eye shadow, mascara and more.

_This is going to be a good day. _

First Izaya pulled out the wig, with a flip of her head and the wig it was on and the long black hair draped over her shoulders. It was cute.

Izaya thought happily as she opened the tube of Lip stick. She watched it twirl up and out of the tube with joy. It was a bright yet dark red shade. A beautiful color on her mother. Maybe it'd look the same on Izaya.

Soon she was moving the clay like stick along her lips and pressing them together and making a soft pop noise. Much like her mother did.

She smiled.

The color looked pretty. It matched with her eyes.

Izaya closed it and put it on the counter then grabbed the blush and brushed it onto her cheeks with ease and giggled softly when the brush tickled.

Next was the mascara. Of course, she wasn't able to put that on as easily as her mother had. She poked her eye at least 4 times in the process. There were dots under her eyes from missing her eye lashes as well. Izaya dapped tissue in water from the sink and cleaned it up.

Next the eye shadow.

Izaya reached for it only to miss it when her head jerked towards the bathroom door as the sound of the bed room door opened. Her fingers slipped hitting its edge and causing the eye shadow case to tumble to the floor.

It seemed to take forever to fall but when it finally hit the floor it sounded louder than an earthquake.

Which of course was an over statement. But in Izaya's mind it was the perfect way to explain its loudness to anyone.

There was a long stretch of silence before the bath room door was jerked open and her father towered over her.

Face red with anger.

"What do you think you are doing in here?" he growled.

End of chapter Four

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I'm sorry I keep messing witt the chapters and adding. But I keep uploading the wrong ones Dx  
I am trying to fix them and soon I will be back on track w Sorry for the mess up's


	5. Swallowed In Darkness

**Chapter Five**  
**Swallowed In Darkness**

******Izaya Orihara  
Age: 4  
Eye Color: Red  
Hair Color: Raven Black  
Gender: Female**

_"What do you think you are doing in here?"_ her father growled. Brown eyes narrowing at his daughter.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't staring at his normal boy looking daughter, but at an actual girl.

His daughter.

This forced him to take a double take and even rub his eyes.

But what he had seen and was seeing was no illusion, the girl was real. And she was his. He hadn't expected the hair and makeup. Nor for it to look so good on her. It really brought out her mother's features on her own face. Like this she was adorable.

His eyes widened. He was speechless. And for a moment the father stared at her, and for the first time really saw how beautiful his daughter really was.

"I-I'm sorry!" Izaya stammered loudly. Voice filled with fear and regret. This snapped him back to reality.

He shook his head again.

Izaya's eyes were filled with fear. She knew he shouldn't have returned home. What had happened to make him come home? "I-I thought you ha-had work so I-" She began

His brown eyes narrowed. "I went to get your mother medicine, she's sick." He answered her 'question' of him returning home so soon then he began shouting "Just because I'm out of the house does **not** mean that you can come in here and _use your mothers things_!" he roared.

"I'm sorry daddy!" she whimpered. Then fear rippled through out her body.

She completely forgot that her father had forbid her to call him 'dad' or 'daddy' not even 'papa'.

His body stiffened and began to 'puff' up in anger; and before she knew it, her cheek burned badly as his hand moved across her face.

A loud

'Whack'

It echoed throughout the bath room, seeming to grow louder as he bounced off the tile walls.

Izaya's eyes were wide and her hand quickly flew to the spot on her face.

Her father had hit her before; but never this badly.

Tears quickly formed in her eyes and she quickly whipped those away.

'Boys don't cry' echoed in her head in her father's voice.

_Boys don't cry. Boys have to be brave._

She reminded herself.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered again, voice breaking as she spoke.

For a while, he said nothing. And she thought maybe he had left. But when he gripped her wrist hard enough to bruise it she knew very well where he was leading here.

She began to resist and try to pull away, her small hand gripping his and trying in vain to push him off. "_Please no!" _She screamed loudly.

"Shut up!" his voice boomed. "You'll wake your mother!" he snapped. But it had been too late, she had woken just before he slapper their child. She saw it too. Yet again, she did nothing to stop him or comfort their child.

She, as always, simply watched from her bed.

No emotion on her face to give away any of her current thoughts on the situation.

"Please! I don't want to go in there! It's small and dark! It scares me! PLEASE!" Izaya begged.

Only it seemed to make things worse for her and her father's grip on her wrist got worse.

Soon the closet door was jerked open and Izaya was tossed in like a rag doll. The black doors shut firmly and locked behind her.

And just like that, her world was swallowed in darkness and she became dead silent.

End of chapter five


	6. It's A Coffin

**Chapter Six  
****A Coffin.**

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**Izaya Orihara**

**Age: 4  
Eye Color: Red  
Hair Color: Raven Black  
Gender: Female**

The moment Izaya's world went black, she stopped all movements. She even stopped breathing, if only for a moment.

It was fear of course, that's what was rushing through her body. A voice in her head was screaming, 'get out'. But she couldn't. The door was locked.

It was always locked. She was forced to stay inhere till her father deemed it time for her to get out. If she cried, she'd be in there longer.

She learned that a year ago.

It had been terrifying; and it still was.

Most people would close their eyes and count, to pass the time. Or to simply get their mind off of the current situation. Izaya had tried it once, but it didn't work. The more she counted the more she realized how long she really was in there. In this coffin..

_It's dark._

_Like a coffin._

_It's small._

_Like a coffin._

Izaya thought, her fists clenching at her chest. Here red eye's were wide with fear. If she moved, she could feel how close the walls were to her. There was a tight feeling in her chest. It got worse with every passing second. A lump in her throat causing it to go dry, she shivered. Her legs shaking underneath her. She would have collapse already, but if she did it would just make her space even smaller. At least to her it would. And she didn't want that.

She wanted her mom..

In town, Izaya had seen a child fall and scrape her knee. Her mother ran to her side and comforted the crying child. She kissed her daughters head and cleaned the wound and kissed it when she placed a band-aid on it.

Izaya wondered if that was how a mother was supposed to act. She also began wondering if her mother would ever come to her rescue. Maybe if she begged enough, or just did what she was told and did it perfectly. Made her proud.

But so far it wasn't working.

All her mother would do was watch. A blank expression. As if she didn't want to contribute to the 'punishing'. Her eyes said she wanted to help. But she never did.

But even though her mother did nothing, she still begged and cried for her mom. Just being in th same room with her comforted her. Even if just a little.

All she could do now was try and not think about how small this closet was. It seemed to be suffocating her, causing her breaths to be short and jagged.  
Now that she was older and taller, the closet seemed to get smaller and smaller. Even now it was getting smaller. It was making Izaya's fears grow stronger. It was small enough that she could press the walls around her with her elbows.

It was dark enough that Izaya couldn't see her hands before her.

It was a scary thought.

Not being able to see, to move.

It was like.. Like a coffin.

_No matter what I do, I end up in this closet._

Izaya trembled.

_I'm gonna die in here. My parents don't care about me!_

Izaya knew that if she made a noise she'd be in their longer. But it was getting too hard to start crying.

And she did.

But Izaya bit onto her bottom lip; holding back any cries that _dared _to leave her lips.

If only Izaya wasn't so scared, she would have noticed the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth. She was making her lip bleed.

_I'm gonna die in here._

End of chapter six

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I updated this chapter! (as you can tell) It's longer and has more info on Izaya's thoughts on her mommy .w.  
As before this is on Izaya being stuck in a closet and what Izaya felt while being in a small confined space. .w. It is what claustrophobic people really feel when they're in a small space. I know because I'm claustrophobic..

Please keep reading and leave some reviews! thank you my readers

Love,

Luka


	7. A Birthday Wish Come True

**Chapter Eight**  
**A Birthday Wish Come True**

**Izaya Orihara  
Age: 5  
Hair Color: Raven Black  
Eye Color: Red  
Gender: Female**

"You want to _what?_" The husband asked in a shocked and annoyed voice.

The wife kept her brown eye's plastered to the floor and her feet. She fidgeted with her hands, she couldn't look at him. Not after having asked what she had just asked him. No, more of the lines of begged him.

They had promised each other that they would raise Izaya up as a boy. No acceptations.

For five years; almost six, in a few hours, they had fallowed through with their promise to each other.

Raising Izaya as a boy, telling her that she was to act like a boy, dress like one and to be brave like a boy. They had been crule to her, just to make sure that their own wishes of a 'son' came true.

But of course, the mother could never get past the look in her daughters eyes every time the shoved her in the closet to silence her crying.

It had only made her feel worse.

If possible for a heartless woman to suddenly feel for her own child after having let her husband; her self included, teat the girl like that.

Yet here she was.

Going against what they promised each other.

"I want to celebrate Izaya's birthday." She murmured. Eye's still fixated on the floor. Or even the walls, every where but her husband.

His brown eye's narrowed. He clenched his fists. Obviously not liking what he had just heard.

"And why the _hell _would you want to do that? We haven't done it the past five years. Why the hell would you want to 'celebrate' it now?" he snapped, rolling his eyes.

"She's six years old!" the mother sounded desperate.

"So!" he growled.

"I want our son- our **daughter** to have at least _one _normal birthday. Just one!" she almost whined.

"We've treated her like a boy for five years. Five." She said voice stern.

For once.

"Why not continue to treat her like a boy for the next 12? And no party?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

She then looke dup. "Because she's out daughter!" was all she could think of as a retort.

If you could call it that..

"Please.. I just want her to feel normal for once." She said, voice begging- no pleading.

The husband was about to turn her down. But the sadness and hope in his wifs eyes kept him from doing such.

He let out a long heavy sigh. He could never seem to turn her down.

"Fine.." he murmured, fingers running through his short black hair. "But just this once!" he said quickly.

The mother's face brightened.

"Just this once!" she repeated smiling widely. "Thank you sweetie." She said warmly and kissed his cheek.

She then turned, heading down the hall to her daughters room to tell her the news. She had already ordered a cake.

Having been confident that things would go her way.

The thought of Izaya having her first birthday party, her first taste of cake. Maybe even open a present.

It made her smile. And she knew very well that it would make Izaya smile.

The mother smiled warmly at the thought.

This would be a birthday wish come true.

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End of chapter Seven


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